One night, several years ago, we received and urgent phone call. A few short days before, we had met a couple whose marriage and family were transformed when they attended a Married for Life group. The husband had been an alcoholic for fifteen years, resulting in many hardships for the marriage and family. Miraculously Jesus had delivered him from alcoholism and he and his wife learned of God’s plan for their marriage. They were guests on our television program shared their incredible testimony of God’s healing power. For the first time in their married life, their home was filled with peace and joy. Now the voice on the other end of the phone was saying that the husband had been in a terrible car accident and had been taken to the emergency room. We, along with another leader, rushed to the hospital. On the way we prayed, “God, please let this man live. They are just beginning to live in your blessings.” Our faith was high, yet we knew the circumstances were grave.

When we arrived at the hospital, we were ushered into a little room down the hall from the main emergency area. We knew this was not a good sign, but we were determined to stay in faith. The room was deadly silent. Several relatives and friends sat praying quietly. In a large overstuffed chair three young children huddled together, trying to draw strength from each other. We turned and saw their mother returning to the room with the doctor on one side of her and the chaplain on the other. The look on her face told us what we did not want to hear.

She sat down in the overstuffed chair and gathered her children in her arms. Her voice thick with emotion, she spoke softly to them. “Kid’s, Daddy didn’t make it.” 

The words sent a chill through us all, but they hit the children with vicious force. With one voice they screamed “NO!” Again and again they cried that single word, “NO!” It echoed in the silent room and was muffled only by their sobs. That one word resounded in our ears. Suddenly it began to multiply within the two of us. Standing in that room, we began to hear first hundreds, then thousands, and eventually millions of No’s echoing within us. The cries of so many children were staggering. When we no longer could bear the sound, the Lord spoke to our hearts. 

“You hear the cries of these little ones who just lost their father. You understand their pain. You ache for their loss. Yet everyday there are millions of children around the world who lose a parent through divorce and hardly anyone hears their cries. Do not forget what I have showed you this night. Do not forget the cries you hear within your hearts right now. They are the inner crying of the silent mourners, the little ones who have lost a parent.”

The room seemed to come alive. One by one relatives and friends began comforting the family. They tenderly took the children into their arms and softly spoke words of hope into their little ears, “Daddy is in heaven with Jesus now.” As they held and consoled those little ones, the Lord spoke again to our hearts. “Do you hear anyone telling these children that this is a good thing? Is anyone telling them that things will be better now? Is anyone saying that their life will improve now that their father is gone? Yet that is often exactly what children of divorce are told when they express grief over their loss.”

We begin to realize that too often, in an effort to ease their own pain, adults fail to recognize a child’s grief. Because their adult minds have rationalized that divorce will solve problems, they attempt to also convince the children that it is true. To a child, divorce is perhaps even worse than death. Eventually a child grows to understand death. It is much easier to cope with death than to understand why the parent they love chose to leave and now lives across town with a new family.

We have heard much counsel given to divorced couples to make it clear to children that the conflict is between mom and dad and has nothing to do with them. We wonder what a child must think, though, when parents then remarry and have other children. We suspect that the message is louder and clearer to their little hearts than anything that mom and dad have said to comfort them.